Zap a wet one in the microwave for 2 minutes every day and replace it every 2 weeks. Better yet, use cloths, towels, and rags that you can toss in the washer or clean with bleach.
But if somebody attacked me I would defend myself of course You bought a new film online a few days ago and decided you wanted to watch it tonight. It's been a stressful day at work, you deserve to relax.